When You Gotta Go

As a man the world is your restroom.  you can just flop your junk out anywhere and relieve yourself on the spot.  You can pee standing up and thanks to the genius who engineered the fly there is very little exposure while doing so.  No pun intended, well maybe a little... see, a little, te he.  Daylight or dark if you gotta go you can always find a tree or bush or alley.  Hell, I have even peed in the potting soil of a plant next to the couch in a crowded bar where I was drinking. Sometimes you just can't be bothered to take that extra step for the privacy of the bathroom, or even one step in that case.  I just sort of rolled over on the couch and aimed at the first thing i saw.  Being a woman, on the other hand, presents a bit more of a problem.  Female plumbing, for those of you who haven't had personal experience, isn't just hanging out there like a fire hose.  It is tucked neatly, in most cases (meat curtains excluded), between the legs.  The targeting system isn't nearly as accurate and would most likely send urine running down both legs if pee pee were attempted while erect (men sometimes have problems while erect as well but i am pretty sure the difference in "erect" is understood).  So that means women have to squat and they have to do so directly over the little puddle that forms when emptying ones bladder.   Now i have seen public female urination  performed may times and in many varying locations.  The most spectacular of these was off a rock beside a a creek in Yosemite.  That shit was unbelievable.  Piss isn't generally something i am into, alright maybe a little into it,  but watching this girl blast a perfect stream of tinkle skyward and into that crystal clear mountain stream got me more than slightly chubby.  In just about all my previous eye witness accounts the vagina was only able to produce a random spray that legs, feet, and anything else wishing to stay dry had to give a wide berth.  Well not pro pee on the river.  That girl honestly just leaned back and fired a rainbow arching stream beautifully into that chili snow melt.  Granted most girls either don't posses that amazing skill or just have never had to pee so bad that their tinkle time could rival that of a mans.  So, on our present trip to the beach Jaime must have just been mildly inconvenienced by the product of our afternoon drinking.  

After a light lunch and a cold beer we had all strolled out to the sand at Venice Beach.  It was a beautiful warm sunny day and people were speckled here and there starting at the top of the dunes all the way down to the water.  We laid Gabe's blanket out at the bottom slope of the dune.  Right below a hippie guitarist who strummed and sang high atop for all to appreciate.  We just hung out listening to our own music and pretended our acoustic artist was performing it solely for us.  Those cheap laughs entertained for a bit but when Jaime started complaining that she had to pee our attention shifted to the prospect of female public urination on the open expanses of sand that stretched out in all directions.  At first i figured she was just bullshitting as she started work on her make shift booty bowl.  I challenged her poker face but as it turns out she wasn't exactly playing with a full deck....or just an uncomfortably full pee pocket.  I continued to document the event (more photos available at www.haneyland.com) thinking she would surely back down.  Nope, she pulled down her pants turned and placed her bare bottom on this makeshift port-o-pottie.  She pulled the beach blanket around her back to prevent further exposure and finally relieved herself right there on the sun drenched sand for all to see.  I am not sure that anyone other than the few involved even noticed but the mountain musician certainly quit playing during the event.  Still, Jaime seemed pleased with herself.  I wonder if the ass full of sand she received for her trouble was worth forgoing a short walk to a nearby restroom.  Either way it was a proud accomplishment in my humble opinion.  It doesn't top the stream stream but it easily makes my top five all time female tinkles.